Perhaps you have heard folks say, “If I had known it would turn out like this, I would have done some things different.”
While living in regret and focusing only the past are not long-term paths to a healthy life, there is value in being able to see things we did poorly and to use these shortcomings as reminders to keep improving and to encourage others to avoid our mistakes. With a milestone birthday next week, I want to share some thoughts related to the regrets I hear most often and, at times, feel myself.
Maintain the relationships that matter most. As a minister, I have taken part in dozens of funerals and memorial services over the years. While in some ways each grief is personal, one reality I have seen again and again is that our closest relationships are often complex and complicated. No relationship- spouse, parent, child, best friend- stays the same over time. We must come to realize that as our lives change, we must invest time and effort in strengthening the relationships that matter most. We cannot assume that people know how we feel, what we meant, or why we made the choices we did. Making the effort to spend time with the people that matter to us now helps us to build and strengthen bonds across a lifetime. It is easy to allow physical distance, changing circumstances, or a relatively small disagreement to cause a tiny crack that widens over time. In the end, it will not matter how much I achieve if I sacrifice the people that matter most.
Take breaks in the midst of life’s busyness. One challenge facing us and our relationships is the danger of being constantly overextended. While Scripture encourages us to make the most of our opportunities, there is no glory in burning out due to taking on more and more without adequate rest. Each of us need to realize the importance of pacing our lives to finish well rather than to shine only for a short season. Work is an important aspect of life, but we need times of rest and recovery to do our best work. In our modern culture, much of the recreation that we embrace is entered into almost as if it is a career. We spend money, time, and commitment not actually taking a break but cultivating hobbies and interests as intense as our work lives. Every activity should not demand our most intense effort- this realization is not to excuse shoddy work or poor use of time, but a conscious understanding that we must pace our lives with stamina for the long haul rather than attempting such an intensity of activity across all areas of life that can never realistically be maintained.
Realize the value of choosing faithfulness. If we admit we need time to build relationships and yet we are often too busy, these two realizations should cause us to be thoughtful in choosing our priorities. We make choices every day concerning our time, effort, and commitments. What a terrible thing to realize we have worn ourselves out chasing more and more all the while losing out on intimacy in our family, friendships, and our walk with the Lord. Knowing we cannot do everything or be everywhere, we must remember importance of being grateful for our blessings and choosing faithfulness right where we are.
We often convince ourselves that tomorrow there will be more opportunities to tell people how we feel or to better prioritize our lives. Regardless of our stage of life, none of us live with guarantees about the future. With this reality in view, may we resolve to say what needs to be said and to change what needs to be changed starting right now.
will norrid writes 